For obvious, stupid reasons...

Spiraling into depression is always fun, right?
Especially when it's not really depression, but a short period of sadness which I like to exaggerate, as you probably know by now. If not, well, I'm shocked.
Anyway. So I was complaining about never being able to be alone in my house anymore, when my aunt is living here (and is EVERYWHERE and ALWAYS AWAKE) and other things that add to it. As soon as my sister and aunt go to bed, my mom comes home with her boyfriend and I can't be alone yet again. And then my aunt comes back down to just sit on the couch across from me, so I can't even do anything in this room. This kind of crap happens on a daily basis, so I never get time alone until usually 2 AM on a weekday / 3 AM on a weekend. That is, if my mother's boyfriend doesn't spend the night. In which case, my aunt sleeps downstairs, and I can't get away from anyone.
(My mother just asked if I wanted her to stay awake with me... As if.. What a prick.)
But then I started thinking about how it was before this, and how it was before my mom kicked my dad out in fourth grade. I still see my dad pretty much everyday before school these days, because he comes to say hi, and sometimes we go out to dinner with my sister... but it's far from enough.
I miss him more than anything, and I think its ridiculous how I've only begun to miss him this year.
He's still my dad, and I need him more than I actually get to see him.. and I want a real hug from him. Not just the one-second-through-the-car-window-hug... I want to be able to hug him for at least a minute or just go to his house and hang out and watch a movie or something together..
And I know if I told him he would make plans for us to talk about it and actually do those things, but I just don't know how to... I'm not good at talking with my dad... He's my dad.. I don't really know HOW to talk to him... I wonder if "I miss you" will be enough to let him know. And I want to tell him that I cry over him all the time, and even as I'm typing this, but I just can't.. I don't want him worrying for one thing, and I'm afraid of what will happen after I tell him.

I guess... I'm going to text him now.. He'll read it in the morning. Then we'll see what happens...



Sorry guys.
I needed to tell someone.